Ontstaflab is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, witless grasshopper.

Ontstaflab created matter two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontstaflab, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Ontstaflab, it will turn you into a tree.

Ontstaflab's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Ontstaflab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Always help dogs.

3. Do not take Ontstaflab's name in vain.

4. Never think ill of sick monkeys.

5. Ontstaflab must be the most important thing in your life.