Pitortlat Botparkren is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, unthinking jellyfish.

Pitortlat Botparkren created the Tadpole Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pitortlat Botparkren, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Pitortlat Botparkren, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Pitortlat Botparkren's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Pitortlat Botparkren's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Put Pitortlat Botparkren first in all things.

4. Do not speak about onions.

5. Hide from purple monkeys for they are unholy.