Metfidmat is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, astonishing coyote.

Metfidmat created Mount Everest eight million years ago.

If you believe in Metfidmat, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Metfidmat, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Metfidmat's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Metfidmat's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured hamsters.

2. Metfidmat loves mites, so they must be respected.

3. Run away from white great tits, for they are unholy.

4. Never think about amino acids.

5. You must never eat cherries.