Tonkhud is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, witless mole.

Tonkhud created vertebrates six billion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkhud, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Tonkhud, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Tonkhud's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Tonkhud's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Tonkhud on top of all buildings.

2. Never mention foxes.

3. Do not hurt pigs.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Retreat if eight turtles approach from the west.