Bess is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, ill-tempered hamster.

Bess created the Tadpole Galaxy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Bess, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bess, she will boil you in a big pot.

Bess' most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Bess' Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate pigs.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Retreat if four goats approach from the east.

5. Never write about planets.