Dumfigtap is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, confident monkey.

Dumfigtap created time and space nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Dumfigtap, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Dumfigtap, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Dumfigtap's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Dumfigtap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Always obey Dumfigtap's priests.

3. Always help dogs in need.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never paint your head violet.