Gebcubvonk Satgarlim is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, selfish crow.

Gebcubvonk Satgarlim created the Milkyway nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gebcubvonk Satgarlim, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Gebcubvonk Satgarlim, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Gebcubvonk Satgarlim's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Gebcubvonk Satgarlim's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat spinach.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Do not wear copper on your body.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Gebcubvonk Satgarlim.

5. Pray towards the south.