Flapsigvonk is a god.

It takes the form of a large, unthoughtful jaguar.

Flapsigvonk created the Sol system eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flapsigvonk, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Flapsigvonk, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Flapsigvonk's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Flapsigvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate birds.

2. Always make sure there are no great tits in a room before entering it.

3. Never write about black holes.

4. Put Flapsigvonk first in all things.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.