Quatzanleg is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, caring gorilla.

Quatzanleg created snails four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatzanleg, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Quatzanleg, it will turn you into a mole.

Quatzanleg's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Quatzanleg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your back.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Quatzanleg must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never eat coconuts.

5. Always stare at clouds.