Gonvonyatt is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, awesome seal.

Gonvonyatt created energy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Gonvonyatt, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Gonvonyatt, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Gonvonyatt's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Gonvonyatt's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if four snails approach from the east.

2. Never wear mauve ear rings.

3. Never paint your arms blue.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.