Nurlgeportkem is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, two-faced chicken.

Nurlgeportkem created parasitic wasps six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurlgeportkem, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Nurlgeportkem, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Nurlgeportkem's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Nurlgeportkem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.

2. Do not hurt birds.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not wear gray clothing.

5. Retreat if three capybaras approach from the west.