Timnulster is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, grumpy armadillo.

Timnulster created bats six billion years ago.

If you believe in Timnulster, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Timnulster, he will turn you into a hamster.

Timnulster's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Timnulster's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Timnulster's name in vain.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Timnulster on top of all buildings.

4. Sharks are not to be trusted.

5. Do not kill swans.