Boptofbif is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, thoughtless scorpion.

Boptofbif created the universe nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Boptofbif, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Boptofbif, he will turn you into a goat.

Boptofbif's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Boptofbif's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear indigo corsets.

2. Never think ill of sick aardvarks.

3. Always help manatees.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Boptofbif.