Dogquimhig is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, omniscient owl.

Dogquimhig created tapeworms seven million years ago.

If you believe in Dogquimhig, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Dogquimhig, it will boil you in a big pot.

Dogquimhig's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Dogquimhig's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick ducks.

2. Never go into gray rooms.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never talk about asteroids.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.