Besslinfab is a god.

It takes the form of a small, passionate hippopotamus.

Besslinfab created the cosmos two billion years ago.

If you believe in Besslinfab, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Besslinfab, it will turn you into a worm.

Besslinfab's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Besslinfab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Besslinfab must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not shave your back.

5. Do not eat parsnips.