Hamtiffad is a god.

She takes the form of a large, humane snail.

Hamtiffad created bats two million years ago.

If you believe in Hamtiffad, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Hamtiffad, she will destroy your home solar system.

Hamtiffad's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Hamtiffad's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Erect eight titanium sculptures of Hamtiffad on top of important buildings.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Do not make images of living things.