Beppitboss Banlarnbed is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, proud owl.

Beppitboss Banlarnbed created life three million years ago.

If you believe in Beppitboss Banlarnbed, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Beppitboss Banlarnbed, he will destroy your favourite star.

Beppitboss Banlarnbed's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Beppitboss Banlarnbed's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Always make sure there are no doves in a room before entering it.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never eat lentils.