Ortsabjon is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, tranquil lizard.

Ortsabjon created the world two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ortsabjon, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Ortsabjon, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Ortsabjon's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Ortsabjon's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat hamsters with great respect.

2. Always look after injured ants.

3. Always make sure there are no snails in a building before entering it.

4. Worship no other gods but Ortsabjon.

5. Never feed lentils to cats while wearing purple shorts.