Farnmapcam is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, competent zebra.

Farnmapcam created viruses four years ago.

If you believe in Farnmapcam, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Farnmapcam, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Farnmapcam's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Farnmapcam's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Great tits are not to be trusted.

3. You must love Farnmapcam.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Erect three aluminium sculptures of Farnmapcam on top of important buildings.