Nullgum Nabtifsag is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, grumpy penguin.

Nullgum Nabtifsag created bats three million years ago.

If you believe in Nullgum Nabtifsag, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Nullgum Nabtifsag, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Nullgum Nabtifsag's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Nullgum Nabtifsag's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. You must love Nullgum Nabtifsag.

3. Never eat aubergines.

4. Hide from purple voles for they are unholy.

5. Never feed bananas to tortoises while wearing red rings.