Yattbomvig is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, deceitful rat.

Yattbomvig created life eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yattbomvig, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Yattbomvig, she will turn you into a mole.

Yattbomvig's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Yattbomvig's Holy Commandments

1. Yattbomvig must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Put Yattbomvig first in all things.

5. Never run near bats.