Matcinwat is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, witless badger.

Matcinwat created the cosmos six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Matcinwat, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Matcinwat, she will turn you into a puffin.

Matcinwat's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Matcinwat's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump near mice.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate shrews.

3. Always help sick porpoises.

4. Never talk about black holes.

5. Tapirs are not to be trusted.