Flabgofgem is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, omnipotent walrus.

Flabgofgem created the universe five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flabgofgem, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Flabgofgem, it will ignore you.

Flabgofgem's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Flabgofgem's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

2. Retreat if eight sharks approach from the east.

3. Always treat monkeys with great respect.

4. Never sing in the presence of capybaras.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate swans.