Ontyamrutgunyimcubyar is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, boastful zebra.

Ontyamrutgunyimcubyar created an up quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontyamrutgunyimcubyar, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Ontyamrutgunyimcubyar, it will turn you into a hamster.

Ontyamrutgunyimcubyar's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Ontyamrutgunyimcubyar's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Ontyamrutgunyimcubyar.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Run away if seven tapirs approach from the north.