Quatkimmis is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, emotional skunk.

Quatkimmis created Africa two billion years ago.

If you believe in Quatkimmis, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Quatkimmis, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Quatkimmis' most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Quatkimmis' Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Quatkimmis six times a day.

2. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. You must never eat gooseberries.

5. Always make sure there are no capybaras in a building before entering it.