Tonkquafbop is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, omniscient turtle.

Tonkquafbop created a strange quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonkquafbop, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tonkquafbop, he will turn you into a slug.

Tonkquafbop's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Tonkquafbop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your feet.

2. Erect five platinum sculptures of Tonkquafbop on top of important buildings.

3. Do not kill mites.

4. Feed all hungry nematodes.

5. Moths are not to be trusted.