Farnquimdut Konstigrull Sitwiksigrowfunfassat is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, kind goose.

Farnquimdut Konstigrull Sitwiksigrowfunfassat created bats seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Farnquimdut Konstigrull Sitwiksigrowfunfassat, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Farnquimdut Konstigrull Sitwiksigrowfunfassat, she will turn you into a sheep.

Farnquimdut Konstigrull Sitwiksigrowfunfassat's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Farnquimdut Konstigrull Sitwiksigrowfunfassat's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear red.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Farnquimdut Konstigrull Sitwiksigrowfunfassat.

3. Feed all hungry nematodes.

4. Do not trade with those who eat corn.

5. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.