Nillpakdam is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, kind narwhal.

Nillpakdam created the Milkyway three million years ago.

If you believe in Nillpakdam, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Nillpakdam, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Nillpakdam's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Nillpakdam's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if eight horses approach from the east.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Do not wear gold on your body.

4. Never eat apples.

5. Always pray immersed in water.