Dobquartstan is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, charitable dolphin.

Dobquartstan created the universe two billion years ago.

If you believe in Dobquartstan, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Dobquartstan, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Dobquartstan's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Dobquartstan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Put Dobquartstan first in all things.

3. Never sing in the presence of porpoises.

4. Always help sick geese.

5. Do not speak about wheat.