Aflabfodnel Ratjandid is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, deceitful clam.

Aflabfodnel Ratjandid created a bottom quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Aflabfodnel Ratjandid, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Aflabfodnel Ratjandid, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Aflabfodnel Ratjandid's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Aflabfodnel Ratjandid's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt shrews.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not drink water in green rooms.

4. Hide if nine swans approach from the north.

5. Never sit near horses.