Ontfarnyarp is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, vain bear.

Ontfarnyarp created the Sun five million years ago.

If you believe in Ontfarnyarp, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Ontfarnyarp, he will laugh at you.

Ontfarnyarp's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Ontfarnyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Always help sick frogs.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.