Bifnadwod is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, generous crab.

Bifnadwod created the Small Magellanic Cloud nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bifnadwod, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bifnadwod, she will curse you with boils.

Bifnadwod's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Bifnadwod's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured ducks.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bifnadwod.

3. Worship no other gods but Bifnadwod.

4. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Bifnadwod on top of all buildings.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.