Lanmetvenfatquatlargmetvin is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, smart penguin.

Lanmetvenfatquatlargmetvin created carbon eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lanmetvenfatquatlargmetvin, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Lanmetvenfatquatlargmetvin, she will turn you into a worm.

Lanmetvenfatquatlargmetvin's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Lanmetvenfatquatlargmetvin's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about moths.

2. Always look after injured whales.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Lanmetvenfatquatlargmetvin.

4. Never wear shorts.

5. Always take life seriously.