Tomyarpflab is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, calm whale.

Tomyarpflab created silver eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tomyarpflab, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Tomyarpflab, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Tomyarpflab's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Tomyarpflab's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Do not wear purple clothing.

5. Do not take Tomyarpflab's name in vain.