Flapbigpan is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, humorless squid.

Flapbigpan created the universe five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flapbigpan, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Flapbigpan, it will boil you in a big pot.

Flapbigpan's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Flapbigpan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never talk about mites.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never jump in the presence of pigs.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.