Bossjennar is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, almighty narwhal.

Bossjennar created the universe five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bossjennar, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bossjennar, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Bossjennar's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Bossjennar's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Bossjennar.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.