Femlabcan is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, selfish bear.

Femlabcan created light three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Femlabcan, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Femlabcan, he will turn you into a plant.

Femlabcan's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Femlabcan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Run away if nine squirrels approach from the east.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.