Sawjinwit Bigflabster is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, selfish dugong.

Sawjinwit Bigflabster created carbon five billion years ago.

If you believe in Sawjinwit Bigflabster, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Sawjinwit Bigflabster, he will ignore you.

Sawjinwit Bigflabster's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Sawjinwit Bigflabster's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

2. Never talk about ants.

3. Never sing in holy places.

4. You must love Sawjinwit Bigflabster.

5. Never look at planets.