Flowcarcam is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, fussy bear.

Flowcarcam created humankind seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flowcarcam, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Flowcarcam, she will be mildly annoyed.

Flowcarcam's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Flowcarcam's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Hide if five ducks approach from the west.