Hanhanlamman is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, omniscient alligator.

Hanhanlamman created dark matter three million years ago.

If you believe in Hanhanlamman, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Hanhanlamman, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Hanhanlamman's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Hanhanlamman's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about cell theory.

2. Hanhanlamman loves hamsters, so they must be respected.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Respect your elders.