Vonarpfeb is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, confident dove.

Vonarpfeb created an up quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Vonarpfeb, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Vonarpfeb, she will turn you into a goat.

Vonarpfeb's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Vonarpfeb's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Never wear stockings.

4. Do not skip in public.

5. Never eat bananas.