Tofjinpas is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, unfair seal.

Tofjinpas created the Sol system seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tofjinpas, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tofjinpas, she will turn you into a puffin.

Tofjinpas' most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Tofjinpas' Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no ducks in a building before entering it.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never think about comets.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never hurt ants.