Tinflowgan Zagbessbagnurlquagsadcissfat is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, awesome badger.

Tinflowgan Zagbessbagnurlquagsadcissfat created silver nine million years ago.

If you believe in Tinflowgan Zagbessbagnurlquagsadcissfat, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tinflowgan Zagbessbagnurlquagsadcissfat, she will turn you into a mouse.

Tinflowgan Zagbessbagnurlquagsadcissfat's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Tinflowgan Zagbessbagnurlquagsadcissfat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Run away from mauve voles, for they are unholy.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.