Quamloopcin is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, egotistical snail.

Quamloopcin created gold six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quamloopcin, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Quamloopcin, she will strike you with lightening.

Quamloopcin's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Quamloopcin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Do not wear cyan clothing.

3. Never write about galaxies.

4. Voles are not to be trusted.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.