Ripvonzim is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, ill-tempered tortoise.

Ripvonzim created tapeworms six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ripvonzim, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Ripvonzim, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Ripvonzim's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Ripvonzim's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if five sheep approach from the south.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.