Cidrigfarn is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, staggering tapir.

Cidrigfarn created vertebrates three million years ago.

If you believe in Cidrigfarn, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Cidrigfarn, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Cidrigfarn's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Cidrigfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from blue swans, for they are unholy.

2. Snakes are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not shave your arms.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.