Bitrulfem is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, two-faced rat.

Bitrulfem created vertebrates eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bitrulfem, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bitrulfem, it will jump up and down on your head.

Bitrulfem's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Bitrulfem's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Hide from gray birds for they are unholy.

3. Never think about gravity.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never think about cell theory.