Gomcatben is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, wise whale.

Gomcatben created Europe nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gomcatben, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gomcatben, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Gomcatben's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Gomcatben's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Gomcatben.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Run away from green snakes, for they are unholy.

5. Do not trade with those who eat nuts.