Yakdavhat is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, contented dugong.

Yakdavhat created everything that exists two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yakdavhat, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Yakdavhat, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Yakdavhat's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Yakdavhat's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh in the presence of squirrels.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Yakdavhat.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sharks.

5. Do not speak about corn.