Nurthamjarn is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, caring owl.

Nurthamjarn created a top quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurthamjarn, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Nurthamjarn, she will turn you into a puffin.

Nurthamjarn's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Nurthamjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no doves in a building before entering it.

2. Never run in holy places.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.